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Chorleywood Sunday 1sts - League v Barclays
13th Jun 04 - CV - The Common
Lost by 2 wickets

And so another Sunday league season started on a gloomy day on the Nick Rice Oval in the happiest town in Britain. Some things had changed at the 'Wood, others hadnt. The captain was still a gay real estate agent from Hatch End, the inevitable stink of yesterdays Saturday 1's loss hung in the air and the pitch looked slow and low. However the pro was not asleep with a hangover and there was not an urchin in sight so the signs looked good. Suffice to say the warmup was not strenuous nor actually done at all, however being a team of highly tuned athletes on a strict diet of curry and lager it was no problem.

It is not known whether the before mentioned homosexual captain won or lost the toss, but referred to often as an absolute tosser it is believed he won and chose to bat. He then sent out the token team Jew and Hodgkinson A, who soon both headed back for little reward. An onlooker was heard to remark that the left handed opener was as tight with runs to the total as he usually was with his money. A brief cameo was given by a Kiwi who then provided an easy wicket to the oppositions talentless spinner, and recently in form yankee batsman Bone was plumb to Curtley Ambroses British cousin for a golden blob. The professional wrestler was then out to leave the home team in a bad state, although the triumphant dance he showed when scoring his first run of the season was worth the price of admission alone. Then in stepped the Count and it was time to play darts. The wannabe quicks were then dealt with all around the Common with pure power and elegance, quite a mean feat for a player who only last year could not hit a barn door with a banjo. Ted Hankeys fine performance (and Snr Tylers first EVER defensive shot display) left the oppo 186 tricky runs to collect off fine bowling such as the Tyler twins (as informed by Rothband) the Welsh speedster and Rothband + Hodgkinson A if things got close.

The Kiwi and the poof started well with chances created but luck seemed to be going the visitors way. It was then thrown over to Hodgkinson R, who followed his impressive display from the previous day of being run out without facing a ball with a great seamers performance for 3-28. Junior Tyler then bagged the frankly talentless but effective #4 for 50 odd and it was game on at the 'Wood. Unfortunately the Kiwi then bowled like a prat, further proving nasty rumours that he could never bowl at all, and merely told the club he could in order to get a free trip to London. The game was lost by a mere 2 wickets and the 2004 campaign was off to a bumpy start, further worsened when found out the next game against mortal enemies Old Merchant Cheaters was to be cancelled in favour of a cup game at the advice of 3 members who clearly missed the warfare at OMT's only the year before.

Player of the day clearly goes to the mighty Count, who not only scored 84* and 3 wickets, but also screamed like a tart when struck lightly in the face and soldiered on for his team. It must also be said his hair was gorgeous and never moved throughout. Unfortunately a ganja and dance party in the away changing rooms provided a sour end to a good days cricket, especially as we were not invited. Two special mentions, first to keeper Andy for his fighting spirit and carried tradition of never backing down to the opposition, and the whole team for doing the jobs after the game in record fast time, for completely no reason at all. Well done lads. It must also be noted that several players manhoods were tested in the showers afterwards, apparently the oppo were caught brandishing large black truncheons between their legs.

Chorleywood Innings Barclays Innings
  Name How Out Bowler Runs
1 Nigel Rothband Bowled V. Debbie 6
2 Alex Hodgkinson Caught V. Debbie 5
3 Dean Wedlake Caught R. Patel 42
4 Ciaron Bone Bowled V. Debbie
5 Ryan Hodgkinson Caught & Bowled R. Patel 10
6 Mike Reeve Caught N. Jeganathan 2
7 Neil Ret NOT OUT   84
8 David Brabham LBW R. Peters 8
9 Andy Orange Bowled R. Peters 5
10 Martin Tyler Bowled V. Debbie 1
11 Nigel Tyler NOT OUT   8
      Extras 13
    Total for 9 184
 
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  Name How Out Bowler Runs
1 M. Dampier Bowled Neil Ret 18
2 R. Peters Caught (Andy Orange) Martin Tyler 51
3 A. Kemp Bowled Ryan Hodgkinson 31
4 N. Jeganathan LBW Ryan Hodgkinson 5
5 J. Gujral Bowled Ryan Hodgkinson 7
6 Berry NOT OUT   18
7 P. Blair Bowled Neil Ret 12
8 W. Mumtaz Bowled Neil Ret
9 R. Patel Bowled Martin Tyler 16
10 V. Debbie NOT OUT   4
11 M. Seaton DNB    
      Extras 25
    Total for 8 187
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Chorleywood Bowling
Name Overs Maidens Runs Wickets Average S/R E/R
Dean Wedlake 10 3 32 0     3.20
Neil Ret 9 1 29 3 9.67 18.00 3.22
Nigel Tyler 7 1 42 0     6.00
Ryan Hodgkinson 10 2 28 3 9.33 20.00 2.80
Martin Tyler 5 1 32 2 16.00 15.00 6.40
Fall of Wickets
Batsman           Batsman out Total
Run Rates
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